Boundaries

I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries lately because of the pandemic. Changes have happened so quickly – masks, social distancing, etc. Sometimes I get cranky about all these boundary changes. I’d like my old life back - wouldn’t you? And yet I know that these boundaries are so important for the greater good.

What’s so important about boundaries?

How do boundaries help us? One way is they inform us about our relationships, how we’re connected to each other. With one person I am an acquaintance. With another I am a co-worker.  Or a good friend. Maybe best friend. Or a daughter, a granddaughter, a spouse, etc. You get the idea. 

I come into each relationship with everything that’s me: my personality, values, abilities, interests. It helps me know where I stop and you begin. It allows for a healthy physical and emotional space between me and you.

Yes or No?

Boundaries help us know when to say YES and NO. Do you ever get stressed when you say YES but should have said NO? I certainly have! The result is that I feel overwhelmed and stressed – and I end up doing something I don’t want to do. 

 So what’s the value of knowing your boundaries? Boundaries help us keep control of time, space and energy – and in the end make us more effective people.

Something to think about

Some key principles about boundaries that impact all of us:

•  Boundaries define you, bringing order and peace into your life; lessening your stress.

• Boundaries can empower you and determine how you want to be treated by others.

•  In boundary setting, you only have the power to change yourself – you can’t control another person’s behavior.

How do we take care of ourselves and our boundaries? What do we do when someone’s boundaries are different than ours? Here are some suggestions:

•  Respect other people’s boundaries even if you don’t understand or agree with them. Ask nonjudgmental questions to understand a different perspective.

• Be aware when you are judging another person’s boundaries. Judging and shaming is not conducive to understanding and staying in relationship.

• Understand your own boundaries so you can clearly honor and express them.

• Sometimes it’s the best strategy to agree to disagree. 

What thoughts do you have?

Margin and White Space

I had a client once who talked about needing more margin and white space in her life. I loved that analogy. It painted a clear picture of her need for quiet space in a world of noise and constant demands. Can you relate? 

I don’t know about you, but I have had moments at work when my phone is ringing, I’m trying to finish an email and there’s someone at my door. Or I’m on a conference call and I’m multi-tasking to finish a project that’s due at the end of the day or maybe the end of the next hour.  For me, this kind of busyness and noise means that I might make a mistake or forget to follow up on an important issue. I’m reacting. I’m not at my best.

Over the past several months when we’ve been in lock down, we’ve experienced more quiet in the world, which has positively impacted environmental and noise pollution levels. I’ve heard birds singing more. I’ve noticed colors of plants and flowers. I’ve been more present. What have you noticed?

I’ve done some reading about the importance of quiet space in our lives. Here are some quick facts about taking time for quiet space:

•  Helps to solidify what we’ve learned at work or in school

• Helps restore our nervous system

•  Helps sustain our energy

• Helps our minds to be more adaptive, responsive and creative

• Sustained silence helps with the development of new brain cells that assist with learning and memory

• Helps to lower blood pressure, boost immune system, decrease stress, increase sleep

If quiet space has such important impact on us, what do we do to begin to incorporate more of it into our lives? 

Here are some ideas to consider -

• Take 5 minutes after a meeting to sit in silence

• Take a walk in nature and focus on the beauty around you

• Take time at the beginning of the day to say a prayer of gratitude and blessing, maybe before your feet hit the floor

• Close your eyes and focus on your breathing 

• Consider taking a media fast for a period of time, turning off all news and entertainment for a day or a week and intentionally connecting with others

Are there ideas that you have? Imagine the world if we all took time to embrace quiet space!