I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries lately because of the pandemic. Changes have happened so quickly – masks, social distancing, etc. Sometimes I get cranky about all these boundary changes. I’d like my old life back - wouldn’t you? And yet I know that these boundaries are so important for the greater good.
What’s so important about boundaries?
How do boundaries help us? One way is they inform us about our relationships, how we’re connected to each other. With one person I am an acquaintance. With another I am a co-worker. Or a good friend. Maybe best friend. Or a daughter, a granddaughter, a spouse, etc. You get the idea.
I come into each relationship with everything that’s me: my personality, values, abilities, interests. It helps me know where I stop and you begin. It allows for a healthy physical and emotional space between me and you.
Yes or No?
Boundaries help us know when to say YES and NO. Do you ever get stressed when you say YES but should have said NO? I certainly have! The result is that I feel overwhelmed and stressed – and I end up doing something I don’t want to do.
So what’s the value of knowing your boundaries? Boundaries help us keep control of time, space and energy – and in the end make us more effective people.
Something to think about
Some key principles about boundaries that impact all of us:
Boundaries define you, bringing order and peace into your life; lessening your stress.
Boundaries can empower you and determine how you want to be treated by others.
In boundary setting, you only have the power to change yourself – you can’t control another person’s behavior.
How do we take care of ourselves and our boundaries? What do we do when someone’s boundaries are different than ours? Here are some suggestions:
Respect other people’s boundaries even if you don’t understand or agree with them. Ask nonjudgmental questions to understand a different perspective.
Be aware when you are judging another person’s boundaries. Judging and shaming is not conducive to understanding and staying in relationship.
Understand your own boundaries so you can clearly honor and express them.
Sometimes it’s the best strategy to agree to disagree.
What thoughts do you have?
